Storytime with Altug

Ive been meaning to do an Altug animation for some time now. This one i did for a monthly Animation Festival, Secret Handshake.
I actually had a longer recording of Altug telling a story but didnt have time to animate it all. Perhaps ill get it done sometime and post that up too...

But for now, enjoy the first ever Altug Animation!!

The Phone Call - Part 2

The Phone Call - Part 1

We have lost the Kids

Dear All,

Well today, as many of you may know, was the last day of operation for Balwyn's 7-11. From all reports apparently it is going to be turned into another brand or enterprise all together, but the demise of the 7-11 has attracted a great deal of sadness in the community. I echo that sadness. Indeed, in many ways the 7-11 represented many aspects that have been missing from the Coles Express I have been working for these past few years. It is a terrible thing to admit here on this day but sadly folks Coles Express through its process of implementing so-called "policies and products" to "Revolutionise" the customer-service experience has meant that we have lost the loyalty of a most important demographic in Balwyn, the kids. The cool homies, the pretty girls, the wannabe-gangsters, the scooters/bike ridin' rebels, the lolly pop suckers, the schoolies and the alternative emos to name a few.

But this did not happen overnight, this was a culmination of different things happening over a period of a few years that created this outcome that we have today. But first, we shall start at the beginning. When I began at Coles Express, it was very much an enterprise that still lived within the world of "Petrol Convenience" that Shell mostly competed in. Let it said that I was hired and trained by Coles but many of the systems, products and the overall design was all Shell. To elaborate, what the "old" store had was a mailing service (in which local residents could collect mail from us and therefore didn't have to endure the inefficiency of the Post Office), it had a photocopier machine that charged 20c for an A4 copy, we offered a fax service, we had a huge range of confectionery products like Hubba-Bubba's, a selection of birthday cards for the convenience of any customer that would like to give a card at the middle of 11:43pm, Life-savers and all those sugary delights with the virtue of it being cheaper than the milk bar (delivered with better service no less!), a broad chips selection including Kettle chips (which for some reason were banished when the store got renovated), an actual oil/auto section that had a good selection and functionality and most importantly we had a whole row of classical (and identical to 7-11's) trademark Slurpee machines. I remember those nights when many a cool homie (a very pretty lady) would descend upon the store to buy a Slurpee, giving me the pleasure of joking about, conversing about their respective days and not to mention the current trends in the ghetto. Sometimes a whole group young homies would come down, it was a great way to let the time go by and it made the place fun.

The affect was that the Coles Express was a pretty busy place, a lot of folks went in and went out. However, the winds of change were coming. Now the store was never perfect per se and yes, it would be good for a bit of a renovation but overall the plan to drastically change a petrol station into a wannabe supermarket equipped with its own "deli" section was preposterous in theory and a disaster in practice. So some genius in the company decided to renovate the place, give it a new look, new register area, big bold images of food products, a "welcome" sign and a "goodbye" sign just in case the store had an inept employee who didn't say, "Have a nice day". The genius' at HQ also thought that the pièce de résistance of the entire renovation would be to put a giant deli fridge in the middle of the store full of cheese, bacon, useless microwave burgers, pasta (?), pasta sauce, a soup range, eggs, a duplicate fruit drink section just in case the customers were too lazy to walk the additional 5 metres to the fridge and yogurt (fruity and normal) to name a few things. They also decided that the community does not need a photo-copier, a fax service, birthday cards nor a mailing service. The outcomes that come from decisions like these are obvious, but the thinking behind them was based very much in the short term. "Oh I guess all we will lose are a bunch of 12 year olds and grannies from this decision" The chips, confectionery, chocolate and oil/auto sections were scaled back dramatically to accommodate the bastardo-deli fridge. My reflections at the time was "If you are operating a service station why would you ever think to scale back on the oil and the auto parts? Things that cars and consumers actually need"

A welcome change was that of a new pie oven and the new look. I can tell you that the previous pie oven was just unsatisfactory and the fact that we got a new oven plus an acclaimed pie brand was a positive in a sea littered with people's excrement. But the worst decision the company made alongside the introduction of the deli fridges was the decision to overhaul the traditional slurpee machines and replace them with these kind of "upper-class" "Granita" machines with their own "coles brand" slurpee syrup. Now the first question I had and still have is, what the hell is a "Granita" and why replace the Slurpees with those things? Are they trying to create a brand war ala Coke and Pepsi to steal Slurpee's not-cared-about monopoly over the iced-drinks industry? Well this was the beginning of the end. Sure, at the start the company were using a premium syrup and the mystique of newness was attractive but as time passed it was clear that the company were using cheaper and cheaper syrups. After the renovations, for some reason we got rid of proven sellers like hubba bubba's, life-savers and whole bunch of things. Some of that as a result of that albatross that was called the "deli fridge" taken up a large chunk of space, some the result of a kind of silly pejorative that was most likely without any consultation and/or research.

Indeed that deli fridge was like Kirstie Alley, it was annoying, enormous, hard to get rid of, talent-less and it didn't complete its primary objective. I can tell you that it was a rare thing to sell anything from that section. In fact I was bewildered to hear that we would sell pasta and pasta sauce. In the 3 years that we ordered pasta, not a single person ever bought it. The same can be said about the yogurt, the Yakult, etc. No one in their right mind was going to pay extra for these items and no one really saw any virtue in doing their deli shopping at a petrol station. The equivalent would be if the local McDonald's decided to enter the cosmetics game and start selling make-up, perfume and moisturizer, your average consumer would think that the business had lost its proverbial marbles! So in getting the deli fridge, the company managed to find the cheapest fridge manufacturer in the whole world and bought 50-100 of these deli fridges. The result? Over the past 3 summers the machines broke down a few hundred times. That is no joke and it is said without sarcasm. We had a technician in every few days looking/fixing those things. On the weekend of "Black Saturday" bush fires when the temperature hit 46 degrees, I (and a few of my co-workers) just knew that those fridges would break down. They did and this time the business had to write off a $450 worth of goods. These 2 things had an effect on how the business operated. The "Granita" machines eventually had syrups that were so cheap and un-innovative that they became both boring and tasteless. The obvious outcome from all of this was that our friends at the 7-11 were going to reap the benefits of consumers trying to find the very products we got rid of. A great opportunity to steal a large demographic and create loyalty. Indeed, the path they took was one that I was slightly envious of, one to see what kind of innovations that the Slurpees can create.

Eventually the so-called "retail revolution" that occurred alongside the renovation was finally exposed as the fraud it was. The main deli fridges were gotten rid of, the chocolate/confectionery sections expanded and a return of the broad auto/oil section that any mechanic or rev head could be proud of. The idea to turn a petrol station into something it was never going to be was a drastic, terrible failure. In the end, the granitas were so pathetic that they did not even sell enough. Today in its place is a section of Coles brand tissues. The site has tried to go back to how it was before the renovation.

I must be honest in saying that I have never been inside the Balwyn 7-11 store. By all accounts from customers and supplies, I am also confident that Coles Express still had a superior customer service, we had more petrol customers, we sold more milk and bread sales, our sales are much better. But the potential to have a stronger demographic was sadly squandered. The nights these days do not have so much of the cool kids or the pretty ladies, or the emo kids or the rebels coming in as it used to be. The cheap nights are still very busy, but the nights where folks are not rushing for cheap petrol are kind of desolate. Now there are several possible explanations than the one I am offering. But I always think back to those slurpee machines and their popularity. But in a sense I was glad that the 7-11 still provided some of these services that were supposed to be provided because it seemed like they were a little more community-oriented. The lesson here for me is that when company's decided to change/renovate their businesses for the better, a degree of research/consultation is an absolute necessity. Because the decision making process in changing the inside of the store sucked and Coles Express is kinda paying for it. I will do my part of suggesting that a slurpee be reinstated, though I wonder at the possible success of that. But sadly, the 7-11 is gone and I thank them for giving the kids the slurpees they deserve.

The Free Donut Philosophy

The Donut Comic

I dont often write posts, least non-comic ones, in fact ive kind of made a point of not posting. This is Altug's blog, and you readers are here for his words, not mine. But i felt i had to write a post about the infamous Donut Comic. Being a good friend of the Almeister ( you're welcome Mr. Kayi :P ) i talk with him at length about the comics and their content. Quite often we'll collaborate on the story, quite a few are adaptations of the stories of real life events at the store, like the time government types abducted him for some secret space mission, for the Almeister enjoys telling tales about his exchanges as much as his fans do on his facebook groups..

The Donut Comic was one of the stories that originated in this fashion. One day, almost 2 years ago now Altug tells me the story of an irrate customer who was quite profusely upset about there being no donuts to go with his coffee, even though the sign clearly stated that if you bought a coffee you were also entitled to a free donut.

This story was gold, and what made it even better was that this was to be the comic that introduced Altug's fellow co-worker and loyal lackey, Locky. So excited and inspired i quickly take pen to the page and scribble down this story. There was only 1 problem. I had the general plot, the storyboard mapped out, but the story itself was never written down, i was completely lacking the dialogue.

Now ive known the Almeister a long time, but even i cannot completely replicate the Great Kayi's way with words, especially when he gets into one of his rants, and boy did this comic contain one doosy of a rant. The great Sages themselves wouldve bowed in praise to the way he entwined the humble donut to the very core structure of the universe. So without the words i

was unable to complete the comic.

On top of that, it was at this time that all that fuss started. The interrogation and harrassment by the corporate body that prevented Altug from feeling free to post his thoughts and pretty much shut us down for 6 months or so. During that respite the Donut Comic kind of got lost, forgotten. It wasnt for almost another year before it resurfaced and i vowed to finish it off. By this time the process and style of the comic had almost completely changed so i took to redrawing the entire Donut Comic. I still needed the dialogue for it though, but alas the Almeister had almost no recollection of the original exchange and so the text he provided for me upon request was made up, based off the outline of the story as i retold it to him. Still more time then passed as the Donut Comic got pushed back to the sidelines as the more recent tales took precedence over this half finsihed shambles of a comic. Finally though im going to rework this comic for you and get it posted, for 2 years is too long to go untold. First though i just wanted to explain a little of the history behind this comic to show its journey and importance to both me and Altug.

So next up is the 3rd? redrawing and 2nd telling of the fabled Donut Comic - Introducing Locky!
Thanks for listening, and fear not, in the future ill be leaving the wordplay to kayi and just stick to the drawing. Go to your Destiny ppl!

Wicked Wizards Panic Pork!

Happy Valentine's Day

Apologies for the lack of comics lately,
kinda went on a month long birthday bender.
Enjoy the late Vals Day comic!

The Power of Authority and Hugs in the streets

I think I wouldn't be the first to admit that at my beloved workplace, like many retail enterprises, have many an occasion where there are uncontrollable queues. Indeed, it is truly daunting and very easy to empathise with the customers having to wait to be served. Indeed, even with the spectacle and effective display of the attendant (ie. yours truly) using two registers, it can still be chaotic and still busy.

Yesterday something interesting occurred in the midst of the chaos, as I was serving I was very lucky to have the long arm of the law inside the store. Indeed police officers choose the 'Express for their fuel requirements because of our obvious superior service and our strong, almighty, patriotic adherence to the law and/or regulation. So as I was served the customers are an increased pace, I could not help but notice the police officer constantly checking into his intercom. All of a sudden the police officer stated to me, "Hey we'll pay for the petrol later. Something has come up" I was shocked....First time ever a customer has unilaterally declared that they were not paying for petrol. Obviously I understood and happily let the good officer to do so without apply the standard, bureaucratic "Cheapo-can't-pay-Or-forgot-my-wallet" drive-off policy.

The customers were also bewildered, some dangerously stating "Gee, I didn't know you could do that!??!?!" Though I assured the customers that the Po-lice would return because I wouldn't want NWA's views of the Po-lice being vindicated. "Folks, just a standard thing of authority, I am sure there are some clever bandits somewhere robbing a near by bank or something knowing that the sometimes slow pace of service would help to hinder the long arm of the law!" One customer lovingly replied to my improvised explanation with, "My house better not have been robbed because of this queue" Off-course 25 minutes later the Po-lice did show up and paid.

Is there a moral to this story? Perhaps it's that notion the Po-lice hold a very special place in our society...Though some pinkos would easily acknowledge that the Po-lice's actions represent yet another conspicuous display of "state-power machismo" overriding the common person of his/her civil liberties in the name of beating the "terrorists". Although there is a special poetry attached to NWA's "Fornicate the Po-lice" that allows common citizens to use as a barometer to gauge the behaviour of the Po-lice.

Keep it real y'all

***

On to another quick note. I must say that I am very lucky on occasion to be spotted by a well-known customer in a street, the gym, the movies but on Saturday night at about 3:30am in the city; I was on my merry way home after a wonderful night and as I was walking toward my car. As I passed this nightclub queue, someone yelled out "Hey its Altug! Yo Yo Yo" I was bewildered at first and then I proceeded to say hello when another bunch of folks also said the same thing..."Yo its Altug!" "Look its Altug!!" I said "Hello Y'all it's truly great and unique to see customers at 3:30am in the City yo, shaking the booty I presume?"...Though I do not recall some of the conversation, I do remember also stating "Well folks I think that this is a great time for a group hug" and to my wondrous amazement about 8 people starting hugging me...it was speciallll as Br-uce M-aca-Vaney says it. There you are folks, if you see yours truly please ask for your own complimentary hug! It's always good to get a great group hug in the middle of 3:30am!

Enter SanderS!

Happy New Hair!