How the Grunch met Altug

A minor word on this week

Dear All,

Happy New Year to you all, I must say that in my job I am the king of making lame jokes or highlighting obvious observations for the sake of comedy. On Thursday, a man came in and he had a name that I really could resist mentioning his unique quality in selling some of our great promotions and really jazzing up the transaction. So the following exchange occurred:

Altug: Hello there SIR!! MERRY CHRISTMAS AND WELCOME!! WELCOME TO THE STORE!!!
Customer: Hello there
Altug: So, you must have some petrol today? I think its that nice white car, very nice...
Customer: Good Gues...
Altug: Yes..yes...Do you happen to have a discount or flybuys?
Customer: No, I have neither

In collecting his card to swipe, I noticed the man's name...it was interesting...Mr.Fokkens

Altug: Wow......Mr. Fokkens?
The Fokken: Yep, thats me...
Altug: Well! Great name......now sir.....Mr.Fokkens.....Can

I take this time to offer you some of our FOKKEN chocolates? HA HA!
The Fokken: haha..ah..no...I already have had too much.
Altug: Eggs-cellent.... So how was your Fokken Day?
Altug: Did you like that film Meet the Fokkens?
Altug: Great Name!
The Fokken: Thank you, thanks for high-lightening that....

So the transaction ends....but I could not resist one last word on that transaction..

ALTUG: THANK YOU SIR, HAVE A GOOD FOKKEN DAY AND A HAPPY FOKKEN NEW YEAR AND ALL THE FOKKEN REST!!

Now some may think that this kind of thing was too good to be true, but it really Fokken happened....Fokken Oath!

Many Fokken thanks everyone!

Altug "Fokken" Kayi

Other Famous Fokkens:


Ingo Fokken:

Dirk Fokken:

A quick word on "The Santa Clause"

Hello All,

Tonight I had a chance to relive a bit of nostalgia by watching age-old favourite "The Santa Clause" that good old fashioned Disney film where they turn Tim "The UUUUUURRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHH" Allen into Santa. I love that film...until tonight where it presented various questionable elements into the Santa mythology. What was most horrifying of all the things besides from the fact that each Santa is murdered and the murderer gets to be Santa.....Charles Manson being your Kris Kindle anyone? No the most horrifying thing was that Santa has his own dwarf-like Gestapo...these mini child like "agents" or E.L.F.S (which stands for the Elite Liberalising Flying Santas) go and bust Tim Allen out of jail. They come along, enter the nation in a covert manner, assault a lazy, incompetent donut eating Jersey-accented police officer by spinning him around until he gets brain damaged, they then proceed to bust Tim Allen out with no concern for the charges of kidnapping that this so-called "Santa" has, not to mention the previously unreported manslaughter of the original Santa.

These thugs have this cavalier and untrustworthy "We're here to help" attitude, they move around nations without any concern for national or international law. I may be implied in this film that because Santa basically "breaks in" to people's houses and bears "gifts" to good children everywhere, that he and his deceptive thugs may have every right to an interventionist foreign policy whereby they may move around any nation without any concern to break the law. This is a very scary concept considering that all you have to do, according to this film's notion of the "Santa" contract, is murder the most jolly and charitable individual in human history. If you can kill Santa, you inherit the vast manufacturing resources available (ie. the free labour by the dwarfs, the factories and the machinery) and the state-of-the-art flight technology of the flying reindeer and lets not forget the Gestapo as well then you would be one powerful megalomaniac.

The good ol' days

A kinda frightening film if you think about it...for all those that are going to celebrate Christmas and wait for St. Nick to show up, I suggest waiting by the Christmas tree with a shotgun and a pitbull terrier or perhaps another good way to avoid a murdering, foreign policy interventionist from giving you his "gifts" is by actually buying the presents and giving them to others as well....yes that is the Christmas spirit....giving and sharing............and off-course mindless consumption! Well folks if I do not see you next HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Altug

PS: To all the Homeboys out there.......HO HO HO !!!

PPS: Sorry to all those that view this as a "Repeat" I have been lobbied by a few friends saying that this would be great on the public forum...Sorry to All the Wallies everywhere!

Yo-Yo....YO!

Yo! Y'all,

I was at work just yo-ing and yoing one day as I discovered the great yo-yo to ever go YO! I looked inside of the Yo-Yo box and I saw it there....my response you ask? "YO!" I exclaimed...Yo! Yo must admit that the bad weather of last week has kept Y'all out so I made a new friend in the Yo-Yo I found at the Yo' Express. It was an interesting contrapaction. As regular customers from everywhere came in, saying "Yo!", they were truly Yo-ed by my Yo-Yoing. They loved my Yo-Yoing. They YO-ed my Yo-yoing.

As I held up the great Yo, which is free Yo!, I saw a story within that Yo. I thought to myself how this Yo got to be at this Yo, it said on the packageing "Made in CHINA...Yo!" and through this I thought to myself, some political dissentent in a labour camp somewhere in China made this Yo for all the Yo-Yoing Yokles of the Yo-World, Yo. A kind of powerful determination from blood, Yo, sweat and even more Yo....Yo!

So like I was Yo-ing, I found this wonderful contraption and instantly started Yo-Yoing. I couldn't believe how Yo I was at it all, I remember being a young Yo in Primar-YO school Yo-ing with a Yo-Yo with all the other Bro's doing the Yo's. I was a novice back then only up to go UP......and Down and yo-forth. But as I grow into an adult-bYo I have become a better Yo-Yo-er. Yo see, a Yo-Yo is really an analYogy for our own dreams and aspiritions, like I learnt how to Yo Zero Gravity and around the world, two tricks that represent some of the things I would really love to do, Yo. So Bros and Yo-Yo Girls Yo-YOing is Yo, Yo! In fact, as I wr-y-ite-o I am beginning to becyome myore Yo-Yo. So Yo-Yo, Yo Yo Yo! So come in Yo, for some free Yo! Yo knyon what yo mean!

Yo Bros

Al-Yo

Shame, Shame on us all.....or You could blame Society on this one

An obvious caution

Hello All,

One always has moments where requests and questions can range from the normal to the incredibly awkward. On Thursday night I was asked a question and it was incredibly awkward.

If I could recollect...

It was a wonderful Thursday night, the suburb of Balwyn was blissfully asleep and in peace. I was standing at the counter wandering and wondering. I was thinking about how mundane the night was, it was a night where it was merely peaceful, nothing occurred. No drive-bys, no zany out-of-this-world customers, no hilarious old folks...so it was kinda like Tony Blair's government quiet and do-nothing.

BUT THEN!!!

This young dude came in and the exchange went something like this:

Altug: Yo Sir! How art thou this hour!!? WELCOME TO THE STORE!
Dude: Hey.....

The Dude walks around the store for 2 minutes... then comes to the counter

Dude: Hey I have a question..
Altug: oohhhhh a question! How may I help Sir!!?
Dude: Do you have any condoms....that are large enough..?

CUE IN AWKWARD MOMENT

Altug: um...........
Altug: uh........................
Altug: ???????????????/
Altug: ...........
Altug (in near robotic response) :................... ............... .................. ....................................... .......................... ........... ...... um....Look at the back of the store...these items are kept there
Dude: I did but they are too small....
Altug (in thought): oh mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn..........................Well customer service is customer service.... the charter of service must be upheld!
Altug: OK SIR! Let us check it out...maybe something is -sigh- missing there!
Dude: OK lets see.

So we walk to the back of the store and look at the highly limited range of contraceptive items because the customer felt none were..............................-sigh-......big enough....

Altug: Well Sir, these all say Reg-u-lar.....that must mean they are for everyone... you are everyone..........PROBLEM SOLVED....THE END...OK I'LL BE AT THE COUNTER! GOODBYE!
Dude: No, none of them fit...It starts to hurt after a whi...
Altug: EIIIIQUK...................................YES........um....sadly it seems that there is nothing for this unique situation....sadly.....did you check other places Sir?
Dude: I check 4 other places...nothing
Altug: You know Sir, sorry I could not help....but let us blame our small genitle society! (clenching fist in the air) Damn Society! Damn Society for its prejudice against people with Big Genitles!
Dude: Thank you for your help
Altug: Yes! I WISH YOU WELL ON YOUR QUEST! HOPEFULLY SOMEDAY SOCIETY'S PREJUDICE WILL END! GO FORTH AND PROSPER! GOODBYE...
Altug (in thought): Man that was awkward....

End of Recollection...

So perhaps having a peaceful night where nothing happens has its virtues, but it wonders me to see that a certain fringe of society is being overlooked because the great majority have a great degree of mediocrity. Blame society, yes. On the other hand this was probably not a struggle that one doesn't need to know nor act on. But anyway...that was the story of Thursday. Many thanks for your time.

Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

A Quick View on The View

Hello All,

During any general election, accusations of bias and political favouritism to the media from the less popular are a popular past-time. None of these accucations fascinate me more than the one thrown on that great "Women's" program "The View". The View is a show where they get every different demographic of woman and have this panel of women talk 'bout the issues. The show until recently featured everyone's favourite hetro-to-homo converter and technically defined woman, Rosie O' Donnel or just plain "Rosie" to us normal people.

So....recently the Republicans and their acolytes in the shadows and in the sewers went on a passionate protest declaring that the "View" was really a "pro-Democrat" beat-up. In fact, the show was stacked with a bunch of morally challenged, extreme left Demicrats who love to gang up on the pretty, innocent and lone conservative on the show. While this is mostly, well, true, there is something that could be sufficiently challenged and the bias reinterpreted.

I recently watched an episode in a day off from placement and gee I noticed something interesting.... The View's pro-Obama, democratic women are all essentially haggard, senile, confused and proudly unruly ladies. Whereas, the lone conservative woman seems to be a kind a of model-esque, youthful lady that is patient and gracious. Everytime there was an issue, the youthful conservative lady would often get overruled as if she was in a room full of ignorant hicks and bumpkins. It was like I was watching a kind of immature foodfight where it was 5 vs. 1.

The interpretation a casual, non-partisan person would have when watching this hour of self-indulgent rambling and obvious ganging up is that it quickly relates the obvious poltical bias to a kind of selfish cronyism that may or may not necessarily correlate. I think that stacking "the View" the way that the produces have gives the obvious impression that this is not a contest between mere ideology ie left and right but rather it is a contrast between the ugly, senile, ignorant women vs. a gracious, quiet and beautful woman. A non-partisan audience would easily relate to the person that never interupts, the person that doesn't act like a horrid cow and the person that accepts the views of others.

Rosie.....um

The View is a program with many obvious flaws, it is a show that demonstrates the folly of imbalanced programming and one that easy vindicates its critics, making it an easy target and a view with little creativity. But gee, it is a fairly boring show with constant stop-start and near loopy bickering about useless gripes like people's haircuts and the like.

Well folks many thanks for reading this interpretation, and for your own try and avoid mid-afternoon television....its so bad you would want a jump a bridge. I want the person that created and the person that hosts "Ready, Steady, Cook" killed, 'tis that bad.

Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

Wait a Mo..

Altug himself did most of the drawing for this comic!

Placement

Hello All,

As many of you may know, or may not know, I have been on a placment for the past 2 months for in order to adhere to my Social Work course's direct practice pratice requirements. Well its been fun I must say, F-U-N. My routine generally is to get there at exactly 9am sharp (I get there at 10:30am) and do research. When working for a lobbying organisation, you meet big important people with neutral emotions and strong committments to latte politics. With this, a student like your's truly would feel a little overwhelmed and also a little nervous. One particular occasion summed it up perfectly.

If I can recollect....................

It was a Tuesday morning at 11:30am, I thought it was a good time for a bit of a break, a kind of intermission between the researching and the writing and the schmizkahovan. But amazingly while in the kitchen I bumped into the Big Man of the Organization...THE "C-E-O" and out of sheer amazement I became a kind of soft donut with a whole lot of warm jam inside....so what I said sounded like it was coming from a donut.... here is an excerpt from that wonderful conversation, and I kid you not this was exactly how it occured:

Altug: HOLY MOLLY!! wow your Tony Nicholsen....
"The CEO": ...YES....and you are..?
Altug: I am Altug Kayi, student placement guy
CEO: Nice to meet you
Altug: I must say good work on that article of your's in the Age, very profound stuff indeed.
CEO: Did you read our submission on pension to the government?
Altug: Um....................y-es....Indeed...uh...it was quite good, good work...to you!
Altug: ............SO........................................................................... what do YOU do here?
Tony: Well naturally I direct the organisation in its policies and its overall direction.
Altug (seeming like the before described donut): Cool....I see....So what are you doing today?
Tony: Well direct the organisation, make contact with the government, etc.
Altug: W-O-W.....you are Cool
Tony: um...Yes......totalloo..

End of Recollection...

Yes, there you have it, I have to admit I was very nervous...I have sort of wondered about my adventures on placement and I think that I will hopefully meet many more people I could ask stupid questions to. But like I was always say in these unique times onward and upward! and Biddy! Many thanks for your kind attention, I shall be off to more placement adventures.

Kind Regards,

Altug Kayi

Occasions where Sleeping Immediately is recommended

Hello All,

It has been a long time since I have updated this journal with my thoughts and observations, unfortunately I have not really had the time to compose these thoughts of mine due to a full-time university placement and work. Having such little time for anything else I often wonder as to why I do not heed the advice of my mother and sleep straight after work in order to balance out all the working between these two completely different contexts. I have thought that I could spare an hour or two reading through the New York Times and other newspapers and have a little time to reflect and get a good 7 hours sleep. Sadly I found out the wrong way about staying up too late and not sleeping. Gee I regret it. I have learned my lesson, always go straight to bed after work or face terrible consequences.

If I could recollect....

It was Thursday morning, after coming back home at 12:45 after a good night's shift I was faced with a powerful choice. This was a choice that can determine destinies and people's level of happiness. I speak of the choice between sleeping immediately or to defer it until some un-Godly hour when Farmers and morning breakfast show hosts wake up. I thought to myself "Man I am hungry! Hopefully I could eat something fruitful and something that is not endorsed by an Indy-Rock band turned popular" So I scoured the house, thinking and deciding upon what to eat. I ate something, it had substance. But now my mind was hungry for knowledge. So I read all the online newspapers I could find

Being US election night I could not resist jumping on the internet and reading all the reports and responses to the big decision. So I read and I read everything. By the time I was finished, I was slightly bored....I needed to consume more information. Sadly due to the fact that I have a dial-up internetised connection my options were limited. So like any good media consumer, I turned on the television. Boy, what a shock I got from what I saw. I was a rather interesting specticle of rotating ironies. I saw that because I jumped on Channel 10 and started watching my favourite televangelist, Benny Hinn and Friends. For all those who don't know Benny (and that is 95% of the public, thank goodness), Benny is a happy go lucky Born again religious zealot with a horse shaped face, with scary Dubya-like beedy eyes, a slick tan and consistently oily black haircut (the man's age, according to his website's profile is in his 50's). So he and his zealot buddys speak about popular super issues like their favourite passages and the love for overturning Roe v Wade.

This morality super-hour wasn't bad, it had a kind of quirky comedic dimension that became more and more conspicuous everytime good old Benny would clutch his manly hands together and let one rip. Not a massive bout of flatulance no, but a sombre prayer. It was all well and good until they went to the commercials, thats when the irony starts. The first commercial was one of those revolting ads where some random horrid women from goodness-knows-where embrace each other in this dance of moral death..."Call me" the ad says....man what a way to ruin my morality hour. The second ad was far more comprehensive, you could have this lady (that looks a lot like Rosario Dawson) strip completely naked and the third ad was a collection of ladies stripping and embracing each other while having ice-cream. "My goodness "I thought, what lousy advertising, I switched channels thinking I won't see Benny Hinn again.

The next channel was an even greater blunder....think about this....imagine you had this idiotic Infra-red microwave thingy that made useless crap being sold by none other than everyone's favourite D-grade action star Mr.T. Gee, seeing Mr.T see his "Mr. T's Microwave" was a new development that I could never imagine. So there I was hanging on to every word of this informercial just waiting for the man to use his great repitious line. I then realised that it would have been productive to have slept than to have seen these most horrid programs. But biddy that. Mr T.

End of recollection....

I must say that there seems to be this unwritten convention that when one mentions or uses Mr.T then they too would be dragged down to Mr.T status. If this is to occur perhaps there is merit in me assembling my own squad of essentrically minded folks determined to wear zany fashions and say even more zanier things. With that I think I will conclude this somewhat overrated observation with an obvious quote from an obvious show. "This is like your song about Mr T. Response "I pity a fool who doesn't like.......... ......... ............ .......he" Many thanks for your attention and I hope I shall update soon!

Yours Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

I am Sam(i)

Hello All,

Sammi, Samboy, S-Man, S-Meister, Samuel, Sam....

During the week before last I lost my name badge and I did not anticipate for one second the kind of reaction I would attract. I mean what's in a name badge? Does a name maketh the man or vice versa? What was both surprising and endearing were the amount of customers that actually said "That isn't your name!" "Where has your name gone?" and the what not.

Some examples..........from the customers

"Your not Sammi!"
"Have you changed your name?"
"Thank you Sammi! Your the best, from now on I will ask for Sammi"
"I am convinced that you are really a secret agent constantly changing identities, I mean how is anyone this enthusistic about working at a service station?"
"I hope that you are doing Sammi justice by wearing his name badge"
"Now that you are the new Sammi, where is the Sammi you replaced"

There was atleast a few hundred people by the end of the week that asked about the name badge and this gave me the determination to find my old name badge again. I had to scour the entire house, I looked through every corner, under every chair/couch, inside of the drawers, inside the doghouse even. I couldn't find it. I had to admit my friends, I looked toward the pale white ceiling and saw my destiny if I didn't find that badge. It would have been a boring, monotanous existence of constant asking of "You're not Sammi" or perhaps it would mean that I would have to become Sammi.

But luckily a day before my shift my mother came to me and said she found my name badge, it was in my other shirt, my lucky shirt (No.3 of 20). Ah, I felt so happy and relieved. I can't believe I didn't look inside of my lucky shirt, thats where I always keep it! I was not wearing that particular shirt that week. Horray...

What would Dr.Seuss think?

But while all this was occuring, I thought to myself....where is Sammi? I only met the man once, and he was great. He reminded me of one of the munchkins from the Wizard of Oz....but it seems he has disappeared from the world. But that is a whole different mystery. But folks that was my story of my lost badge and life as Sammi for a week. Have a good weekend, whatever remains of it.

Yours Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

In the spirit of the Olympics!

Hello All,

Over the past week, we as world citizens have seen the amazing specticle that is the Olympics of Chinese characteristics. The opening ceremony has been amazing, the drummers, the replacement little girl singer and even the various fireworks everywhere. I have to admit that I have learnt a few things from these grand Olympics, they have bought back some things that 10 years ago were totally uncool. Things like cool silk gowns, simultanous movements and undemocratic autocracy!

So as a result of learning from this interesting political paradigm I have censored any mention and reference to the free cranberry juice story. It has been neatly removed from the pages of history and not really remembered. If you try and google "Free Cranberry Juice" sadly this will not lead you to a story about Cranberry Juice, a night at the Spanish Club or even zany, incompetent taxi drivers.

Another thing that I learnt during this wonderful time of unquestioned celebration is that there are these really crappy olympic tazo things we have to give away. You know those plastic things with the olympics "heroes"? I have to say those things are so useless that even customers do not want them, I couldn't even pay them to take that stuff. I often think about the magnificient capacity of humankind to build and achieve great things and accolades, but these crappy deranged tazo things really condense this capacity to a thin, useless plastic coin with no worth.

I look at these different tazos and imagine in my mind the audacious and mind-numbing manufacturing process attached. I just think about those folks at the labour camps thinking, "$1 a day for this?" Perhaps a tazo revolution needs to occur to bring back respectability to tazos. I miss the good ol' days when good ol' POG was around, I had no idea what the hell it meant but slamming one of those things bought pride to the community. Whereas, you couldn't slam the crappy Olympic tazo things that we try and give out thats for sure.

Thats is why at the store there are atleast 2 whole boxes of that crap that cannot be moved and the saddest thing about the tazo stuff is that they are for free, nadda, zip. I believe that all angry citizens should go out there and protest at the slipping standards of the tazos in our society, there needs to be a stronger determination to expect better, more varied tazos. Outside of Michael Klim and Andrew Gaze, I had absolutley no idea who the hell the other 6 people were. One of them was some lady, the other was some other lady and another a random person from an unimportant sport.

But anyway, hopefully everyone has enjoyed watching the Olympics. I have to admit that I haven't really watched that much other than some of basketball, or to some the B-Ball. But folks have a good weekend, by the way isn't that Dodoni advertisment a little strange?

Yours Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

TAKE IT !!!

Hello All,

First of all, my most sincerest apologies to all of you for my absence from this journal. Sadly I had to devote all of my creative energies to uni assignments. I will try my very hardest to keep updating so I can feed the ever-growing demand. But on to my latest story for today, well the last time I wrote on this blog I told the story of the Swindler, this teddy bear like man that brings in soggy cold pizzas and profiteers off his duped clientele. Well after a month long absence (possibly due to hibernation) he came back last night.

If I can recollect...

Well Wednesday night was a good night, it was coming to an end. About 15 minutes before the end of my shift, our friend the Swindler returns. The following is how things went from when he came in...

Scene 1: Work
Characters:

Altug as Altug,
Lockie as Lockie and
Teddy Bear Man as the Swindler in

"The Night the Pizza was no Biddy"

Enter Altug

Altug (to self): Another great night, but gee I am very hungry...

Enter Swindler

Swindler: HOOOOOW RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR YA mate!
Altug (with arms swinging): Oh NO!!!!!! You've returned A-GEIN!!!! I bought a pizza from you on Monday remember!!! ??
Swindler: I'VE GOT SOME BEUTI-FUL PETZAS FOR YA AND LOCKIE
Altug: Well I doubt that we shall want pizza tonight Pizza man, but we shall wait and see, Lockie comes in 15 minutes.

So there was a 15 minute period where two forces were waiting for the arrival of Lockie, the one that will decide upon the fate of the Pizza man's proposal.

Altug: So "Pizza Man" how goes the night?
Swindler: It wos good.....just delivering Petza

The Swindler walks to the magazine section and reads the ever so adulterous and teeny Zoo Magazine

Altug: So Swindler, what are you reading...?
Swindler: .... ....(ignoring all communication)
Altug: Well?
Swindler: .... .... .... ... Good..

Enter Lockie, co-worker

Altug (arms wide open): LOCKIE!!!!!!! YOU'RRRRRRRRRRREE BAAAAAACK! How art thou tonight!? Guess who is back tonight!!? Our good friend the Pizza man!
Lockie: I see

The Swindler goes to his car and brings in 2 cold arse pizzas

Swindler: Lockie! I got a fresh made, nice, nutrious Petzas! I made it just for you, just for you...only $10 each! $10!
Lockie: Ummmm.............errrrr.............Not this time buddy, one is too much for a week.. it isn't healthy
Altug: Hear hear Lockie, Pizza man, we cannot have 2 pizzas in a week! It would be impossible to burn it all off!
Swindler: NAH! Its good for you, it has vitamins! Look at me, I'm healthy...eh eh eh(him laughing pointing at his conspicuous yet cute beer belly)
Altug: uhhhhhh........no...no pizza for me pizza man
Swindler: C'MON LOCKIE! I made it for you! TAKE IT! $15 FOR BOTH!
Lockie: Um....I don't know....
Swindler: TAKE IT!
Lockie: Well no I shouldn't....
Swindler: TAKE IT! TAKE IT!
Altug: Pizza Man we cannot, its too much you little cutie pie
Swindler: C'MON LOCKIE TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE ITTAKE IT
Lockie: Look when I buy it, its cold and it just goes to the bin..
Altug: Pizza man, he's right, it would be a waste to throw it into the bin
Swindler: TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT!! $5 $5 $5! TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT!!!!
Lockie: ah.....no, no more pizza, one is enough a week..
Swindler: C'Mon Lockie! I made it just for you!! Besides I had a pizza tongiht, I can't finish these! TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT
Altug: TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT....uh...actually, Pizza man, we cannot consume your take that pizza tonight
Swindler: -sigh- O....k BUT I WILL BE BACK!! TOMORROW!
Lockie and Altug: NO! NO! Make that 6 months!
Swindler: U-M....Make that next week then!
Altug: how about 10 days?
Swindler: O-K...I will be back in 10 days then
Altug to Lockie: He will come back on Monday wouldn't he
Lockie: Yep....

The End!

Well folks that was what happened, it was part-fun, part-Adam Sandler movie. I have to say that the man is persisent and consistent, he knows how to sell those cold, below par pizzas at a high margin. Man...If I ever made a live-action Winnie the Pooh movie, that man will have to play Winnie. But folks with that I must be off, hopefully you all have enjoyed reading this as I have written it. Good day and good night!

Yours Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

Swindled!

Hello All,

According to many different sources like my co-worker Lockie and the Caltex man apprently there is this teddy-bear like Pizza Hut man going around places selling soggy cold Pizzas for exorbanate prices. Lockie told me of it the other night after he asked if the Pizza Hut Teddy Bear Swindler Man came in to collect his money. This was all a strange development in my mind and yet I was totally taken aback when I saw the Pizza Hut Teddy Bear Man. The reason why he has this name is explained further.

If I can recollect....

Well it all started on a happy Wednesday night, it was the end of my shift and good old Lockie came in to start. He asked as soon as he arrived "Did that Pizza guy come?" and I said "Who is this Pizza guy?" and as soon as I asked, there he was....the Teddy Bear Pizza Hut Swindler. But before he was known as that, he was a person of good, a kind of wayward Jedi Knight not exactly sure of his place in the world.

The way that he was shaped and spoke was exactly like Whinny the Pooh like he would come in , waddling side to side with a conspicuous beer belly, saying "How you going M-ATTTe" in that Whinny the Pooh style voice. It was kinda cute, he was like this lovable giant doll. With him he bought a pizza box and I look with great wonderment at this pizza he bought. So our friend, as we called him then Cute Teddy Pizza Man, said to Lockie and I "One large pizza, $10" Although it could be said that (1) You could get the very same pizza from the place he works for (Pizza Hut) for much cheaper and (2) You could get it warm and (3) Why go to Pizza Hut when there are fresher, better, stronger and cooler pizza from the pizza restaurants ala Columbos? But despite these great debates on the negative, the time and context proved that at 12:30am it was the best pizza available bought by that good-hearted Pizza man that looked like a human Teddy Bear.

We asked whether he got them for free and why he was selling these pizzas, he said "I don't get them for free, my boss gets all the money, I just sell it for him" Gee I thought, what a maniacally evil boss, trying to plot to take over the world and ruin humanity by making easy profit on cold soggy Pizzas having the equilivant of Odd-job do his dirty work for him.

The Possible World dominating Pizza Boss of the Swindler.

So Lockie and I paid $5 each and got ourselves a good Pizza, I took half and gee it was good. Good times, the wonderment of having Pizza after hours gave the feeling that I was giving a special exclusive service, like the kind that Snow white recieved by the 7 Dwarfs. As sun turned to thunder storms however this service went from being delieverd by Doc to being delivered by Dopey. Gee....like a great champion falling from grace (Sonic the hedgehog anyone?)

It was the next night and after finishing another grand old shift (it was fun), Lockie called to say that he would be coming late. That was cool, I would hold fort while the great man was coming. But as I was looking into the dark horizon, he returned! Our friend the Pizza Man with -sigh- even more pizza. Here he came in, this time with more Pizza, except this time it was more and it looked soggier and it was as cold as Lindsay Lohan on a film set.

So there he was with these two boxes, he said with a kind of self-assured smile that it was $10 per box. By the look of these boxes, it was not desirable, the pizzas this time looked horrible. So I responded with "Well, lets for Lockie" so that I could somehow present a collective front when saying no to the man. So he stayed around and good old Lockie came. So here was the predicament, we had Teddy Bear Man, his two horrid overpriced goods and a hard place. I said "Well sir my consumption of Pizza is an occasional indulgence" and "I am but a poor poor man, I do not have 10 Pesos...sorry Dollars to pay you" but no he would not budge. He could not comprehend any other reason, no this was a man that was uncomprismisable. He said he bought it "just for you", he shook my hand, did the cheesy cute puppy smile and bingo...he got us.

Lockie and I thought the same thought, there was no way we could say no this man. He won this battle, Machivelli would be proud. With that I said "Pizza man this will be the last time I am going to eat your pizza, please don't sell us more Pizza" and in a very ambiguous manner he went off, proud of his $20 profit. As soon as he left, I look and Lockie and Lockie look at me and we both thought the same thing. I said...."Lockie....we just got Swindled"..."Damn it!"

A possible animated recreation of the Swindler, only he doesn't have a gun

5 minutes had passed and the Balwyn Caltex guy came down, which off-course is a sign of our superior service, and we ask whether the Swindler came down to his place with the same offers. He replied that yes, the Swindler tried one on him, only he was able to snap this development in the bud before it began and hence he never returned. As I went home that night, I wondered to myself as to whether the Swindler would return, perhaps he had more cunning schemes and things to sell in the lost hours of night.

End of recollection....

So that was the tale of the Swindler, a man who was once a hero to both Lockie and I, who from his lust for profit and serving his evil master descended into madness. Now before some folks come out and use this as a kind of artsy fartsy cafe-latte way of teaching a lesson about the "follies of offering others chocolate bars" well that is just silly, this is no karmaic analogy of a kind of doomed future.

But anyway folks thanks again for your attention as always, hopefully you shall be wary of the Swindler man, if he ever comes to your workplace don't accept his gifts as they would come at a price in the long term. Besides from that, have a good weekend everyone!

Yours Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

PS: I know I was supposed to write about the sequel to free cranberry juice, but this was slightly more important, therefore Part 2 will be here on Sunday. Sorry for all those out (1 person) who were actually interested in this...Great...story. Don't worry it shall be here!

Badger Man (Part 1 of Rare Saturday night adventure)

Hello All,

Saturday night was a good night, it was one of the few opportunities that I can go outside and hang with friends. It was a good night, I learn't many things and I saw many things. There were highs and lows, man Saturday night was a cold night.

If I can recollect....

Well it was 6pm and another day ended, and sadly I was very tired because the previous night I only slept a mere 5 hours, that was due to a grand old tour of Latrobe University's animal factory. I was expecting monkeys and chickens but like the ignorant red-neck supporters of George W Bush I was disappointed. But that "ain't"/ is not the story. No the real story begins after dinner. Well I was watching "The Wizard of OZ", it was a fascinating film about a young lady that explores an alternative universe where good urban planning and infrastructure spending were key government policies with gold-paved roads and good population control.

But I remembered that my good friend and comic book drawer for the Blog, Drew, invited me to hang and chill in his exalted presence. I readily agreed and despite the horrible weather I met the great man in the city. So we then went down to Brunswick St, as we walked down I met this most enlightened gentlemen. He wore sunglasses, had a Essendon Bombers jumper with all the badges and reminded me of a badger. So as the Drew man and I were walking down Brunswick St. to meet another group of friends with the Badger guy eerily walking half a metre behind us. So I decided to speak with this enlightened gentlemen to see his perspective of the world.

The Badger Man looked a lot like this

This is how the brief conversation went:
Altug: "Did the Bombers win this evening? It would be great if they did"
Badger man (in a kind of high pitched voice): "Yes, we won by something or other points"
Altug: "Wow, that is great to hear, who was best on ground?"
Badger man: "Number 27"
Altug: "Who is number 27?"
Badger man: "Essendon won"
Altug: "I see, so who was your favourite player that match?"
Badger man: "Kevin Sheedy"
Altug: "Uh....um...that was the former coach"
Badger man: "Hey you guys should try the new Coffee house, one block away from Johnston st. its great coffee and the girls, wow"
Altug: "Yippity, well um..."

A few minutes later...

Well I think I was interchanging between Drew man and Badger man would constantly jump in trying to advertise this dang coffee house, like it would be like..

Altug: "So Old Chap, how goes your week? Hopefully its been inspirational and fun!?"
Drew Man (in a cool Hugh Grant like welsh accent): "Well, its been..."
Enter Badger man: "The Coffee House is so great the ladies will hunt you down...you will end up getting married"
Altug: "Holly Molly! Where is this romantic house that serves coffee dear sir?
Badger man: "Well its a block away from Johnston St, it opened a week ago, fantastic coffee"
Altug: "Who is number 27 again?"

And then out of nowhere this enlightened Badger man declares that he must go to his home, Drew and I say goodbye but the Badger man disingenuously walks away without any acknowledgement of our passion waves goodbye.

Sadly the Badger man didn't wave back

But it was a good talk, despite the man mentioning this elusive Coffee house a good 17 times, I thought that perhaps he must own the Coffee house. Infact, the old chap and I began searching for this coffee house for a good 5 and a half minutes but something in me sensed that this place does not exist. But man it was cold and it was only the beginning of the night.

And who is the Essendon player with the number 27?

TO BE CONTINUED....

Tomorrow will bring part 2 to this belated story titled "Free Cranberry Juice (Part 2 of Rare Saturday night adventure)"

Amazing Coincidence aka The only time I was ever entertained by the TODAY show

Hello All,

Today was probably the first time in 3 years that I have actually watched Channel 9's "The Today Show" and out of this amazing coincidence I noticed something amazing. I saw a regular customer on TODAY...today! Yes I could not believe it! I never knew one of my regualar customers was really a normal lady by day and glamarous lady by morning.

If I could recollect....

Well this story started on Sunday night at about 11:30Pm when I decided that I should go to bed instead of watching the most boring tennis player ever (Roger Federer) with his greatest weapon (being boring as Batshit) win yet another....sigh.....Wimbledon title. I just couldn't bear it again, as good as the passionate "Rafa" was, I felt that I couldn't invest another 3-4 hours into this. So I went to bed with the mindset that I would see the results tomorrow.

So I went to bed. I dreamed many dreams and slept generally well. But all of a sudden! I woke up out of nowhere about 30 minutes ago (at 7:57am) and just turned the television on hoping to catch the news of that emotionless boring prick picking up his most belated false crown at the All England Club. I think he is a Vulcan that Roger Federer. But through some divine intervention of some kind Nadal won. I went nuts, I hopped out of bed and did a bit of a "Go Nadal" dance.

BUT LITTLE DID I KNOW...

Well I stayed on watching the news and all of a sudden out of great some great coincidence I saw a very regualar customer, this customer which I often call The Nice Lady with Nice Hair was on TODAY! Now you may ask how and when...

Well it was 8:08am ...

"Now with all the news lets go see the weather, Steve" and from there I couldn't believe it! Live from Manhatten there was that boring dwarf man Steve Jacobz and with them was The Nice Lady with Nice Hair. MAN I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT! I thought "HOLLY MOLLY, ITS THAT NICE LADY THAT OFTEN COMES IN...IN NEW YORK...WITH BORING WEATHER GUY!"

I couldn't believe it! Well I always knew that the Nice Lady with Nice Hair was a glamourus lady that could become a Hollywood star and there she was. For those brief moments I was actually entertained and engaged by the TODAY show. I thought to myself, why doesn't she keep presenting the weather instead of "Jacobz". So there you have it folks, the only time TODAY has been entertaining and well presented.

Steve Jacobz couldn't compare to the talent of the regualar customer.

End of Recollection....

Well folks I have to say that seeing one of my regular customers on TV, on the morning, in New York was very suprising and great. Although I would have thought that they should have pushed aside Steve Jacobz and allowed her to take over, she was far more glamourous than Steve. Well folks thats my 2 cents for TODAY, today. Now the only question is will I watch Today tomorrow? Well personally I prefer the USA TODAY to TODAY but its never on the Day that a TODAY should be on.

But anyway folks, many thanks for your attention off-course. Hopefully I can see regular customers on TV or perhaps I can be on TV. Keep it real...everyone.

Yours Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

Yes...I am here!

Dear All,

I was informed by a friend of mine that the good community may think I am gone. In fact even at work people have been somewhat surprised to see me, as if I was Mel Gibson. The question I am often asked is "Where were you man!?" or "I thought you quit" or to a lesser extent...."I thought you were exiled from this planet" I think that this can only be cleared once and for all from this place.

Me....The Ghost who is always there

Well, I feel sometimes that I have a kind of supernatural experience there at the good ol' servo and my hope has always been that people would feel that welcoming presence whenever they come in when I am not around. The bad news is that I cannot be there as much as I like, but the good news is that I am there 4 times a week. I suppose that is just over the 50% pass standard. I come along to work on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday night and Saturday afternoon.

My Assurance to All..

Well what I usually say to all those concerned customers is that if I were to ever leave, which won't occur for a very very long time, I would tell them. Yes, the day that I ascend to the heavens, when my work is done I will carve a message in the sky for all to see that my time is over and my 4 most loyal customers shall write my tales and speak of many stories. I don't think that I could ever just go away and never say goodbye, it would be wrong and it would be good to have my own festival before I leave and perhaps a statue.

One of the Proposed Designs.

What say the world?
Well my friends the future is a path that no one can predict, but whenever in doubt there is a divine passage that offers comfort...it goes "Biddy Be Yum Buddy Yo Yo Be Yum Buddy Yo Biddy Biddy Be Yum Yo Biddy Biddy Bum Buddy Yo!"Hampton 3:16. But as I was saying folks, do not worry. I will be around for many a time to come I think and in any instance that I am not I will let everyone in the universe know. But the one thing that has been bugging me has been how to complete this phrase without adding the word queer....like I always say "You're Back....You're Here! You're..." Some suggestions have been "You're near" or even the much better "You're clear!" But I guess its all in the poetry. Many thanks again for your attention.

Yours Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

Angry Eye-brows

Hello All,

An interesting thing occurred the other day. It was something that was somewhat surprising in that the outcome was completely different from the presumption. It was something that vindicated that age old phrase "Don't judge a book by its cover". This story involves a special character and its based on a true story. Its about the man I dub "Angry Eyebrows".


ONCE UPON A TIME.........

There was a man who had eye-brows shaped in a manner that suggested to the common man that he was angry and/or depressed. He was a normal man, and he lived a life that was both fulfilling and cool. But to everyone he was "Angry Eyebrows". One day he decided to purchase petrol and that is where our story comes into the present.

As soon as he came in I thought "HOLY MOLLY THIS MAN IS ANGRY.............AT SOMETHING" For the next 5 minutes, I thought of several different reasons as to why he was angry. Perhaps it was the price of fuel, perhaps it was the setting, perhaps it was the colour of the uniform, maybe he didn't like the ceiling, maybe he was angry at the fact that Hilliary wasn't nominated. But it was all very perplexing, the only way I could answer this question was to get from the horse's mouth.

THE END...


But having watched a horrible movie and learning the example of so-called artistic directors I think that this story should have an unsatisfying yet ambiguous ending in order for everyone to know that in reality "there are no endings" but "things". Perhaps that way this story can one day be made into a film that would potentially win 11 academy awards, with Best Picture and Best Actor going to Hampton the Ham....sorry Ethan Hawk for playing Angry Eyebrows.

The Movie Poster

Now many folks would be saying that they would never really consider watching a film about some guy with Angry Eye-brows but I would dispute that. What is clear is that when the actors strike for more pay, people will have to watch this movie and would be entertained by its excellent direction and wonderful special effects covering the creation of those eyebrows.

But Anyway folks, I will leave the rest of the story to your interpretation. Many of you would wonder what happened to Angry Eyebrows, how the story ended and what will happen in the future. So long folks!

Yours Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

UPDATED!! THE REAL ENDING OR beginning...

Well folks apologies for anyone who may have thought that I ended this tale a little too soon, I think my pursuit of making a point of the nihilism/pessimistic liberalism of Hollywood story lines these days. But this is how the transaction went.

Altug: Sir, hows it going!! (arms waving)
Angry Eye-Brows: ....er....good..
Altug: Do you have any petrol? ???
Angry Eye-Brows: Yes...on number 5
Altug: (apply positive encouragement) Well that is great Sir! Wonderful, I think you have done exceptionally well in picking that number..I think your a special person...good on you, 10/10...(two thumbs up)
Angry Eye Brows: Um....ok.......thats great?
Altug: Sir can I just ask are you angry or depressed? Because I figured that you may be angry because the positioning of your eye brows suggests that you that have not had a fantastically great day...Perhaps I can do a happy dance to improve the outlook?
Angry Eye Brows: Actually I am neither angry or depressed
Altug: My apologies Sir! Do you often have stigma attached to you because many folks must think you are angry...sorry to have seen you wrongly...I can do the sorry dance to show my sorrow if you like?
Angry Eye-brows: No no, that is okay...

The End...

And so that was the story of Angry Eye-brows...the moral of this story is that if you ever see Angry Eye Brows don't assume someone is angry...infact you should give them a hug to show that you don't think that they are angry.

Hugging...

interrupted Message.

Hello All,

Apologies for my absence from writing my observations on this wonderful forum, I have to say that my mind has been on completing my assignments from University. Man, its a stinker, its inconveniently scheduled to be handed in on the late week of semester. But as I cannot provide an great big observation today please look at these images.

Firstly, the next president of the U.S

Well I think that he presents that wholesome, "racist grandfather" image we all yearn for. While all those pinkos out there want that other guy, "Yohn" demonstrates a more revolutionary idea that good dental hygiene should not be a prerequisite for the presidency. I feel a glass ceiling breaking here folks.

New Leadership...

"T-ony" once said that he wanted to be a rock star when he was young. I believe that he would of made a great rocker...charming man. He would get all the groupies and the grammys/grannys. But I suppose the world of 24 hour politics have made Antonio more deranged than sane, as this next picture shows.

The New Blair

But most of all, no post could ever be great without that special man that we all admire. I offcourse am referring to that great man Arnold Schwarzeneggar. This is a great man.

How the world has changed.

But folks my apologies for a mini-post instead of the standard observation of the week. But I hope that moving forward past this week everything should get back to normal. But once again, many thanks for your attention.

Yours Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

Camberwell feat. Altug

Dear All,

The most popular music these days, heard by the young people, belong to the hip-hop/"r n' (and for the coherent) b" genres. I have to say that I cannot turn on Video Hits these days without song after song where the storyline is bling bling, bitches and incoherency. But a most fascinating development has been that most songs that come from this genre these days have several different singers on the same track. The saddest thing is that I have never even heard of most of them...until I search them up on wikipedia because the curiosity was killing me! But anyway, each song would always be stated as: Title, Artist and so on. Here is an example of your typical hip hop song.

My 'itch..ho
By Bling feat. Idiot, Wacko, Mr.Mack and Rapist.
Directed by Timberland and that weird guy that hangs out with him

At first my view that it would have been somewhat useless at best and interference at worst to have someone in your song. It could potentially steal your thunder, like you may be singing a really great song about ghetto romance but the "feat" guy/s would take the complete attention away from that by constantly smacking the circular bottoms of some scantly-clad yet well tanned, ethnically mixed model of some kind. It could really make the song seem unnecessary. But over time as I have matured I have figured that "feat." could be a good thing, it may espouse all the great values of exploration and discovery.

If I can predict...

Tomorrow, that is Monday the 16th of June from 4pm, I will be making a cameo appearance at the Camberwell Servo, thats the one next to the train station. It will be my first time there but I figure that working at this different site for one day would bring new discoveries and different perspectives. I will embrace the hip-hop idea of featuring in someone else's song, I will make a kind of cameo appearance. Although it won't be with any bling bling. In my heart I know that making this journey will be worth the cameo there and the chance to see the place would be great.

End of Prediction...

Well I think it will be lots of fun working in a different site for a day, if you are in the area please come along and experience this place known as "Camberwell". I expect it to be fun, hopefully I can see those "Don't make Camberwell Station better" protests, those are interesting spectacles considering they have strong "celebrity" support of the drag queen guy and crappy pirate apple king. Wow.

Passionate Man.

But anyway, many thanks again for reading this piece I really appreciate you all giving your time to read these stories, and I hope you all have a good week!

Yours Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

Go to your Destiny!

No comic this week, as we like to collaborate on the comics, and Altugs been quite busy finishing his assignments and such. So I thought I would colour in this inspirational Altug pic I drew during the week and share it with you all.

Can I again say that both Altug and I would be super keen to hear from people, by way of comments or seeing any of your own Altug photos or pics. So if you have anything you would like to submit to us, you can email me.

Should be a new comic once Altug's back up and running, plus some toher cool things to look forward to! Until then, Go to your Destiny!

To Move or Not to Move

Hello All,

Over the past few months there has been a civil war developing within the arena of petrol and convenience stores. There are two, passion waring sides to this tale and the stakes as always are high. The subject of this war is all in regards to whether one should move their car after fueling it or leave it there. On the "Stay" side are the grannies, the car cleaners, the pro-security consumers, old-school petrol consumers, the incoherent and a the maniacal and on the "Move" side are Baby -boomers, the ipod generation, civil libertarians, people who want to drive off without paying and people who drive really really big cars. While some within these groups would be part of the other, these are two waring tribes who are unequivocal about their conflicting positions.

If I can recollect...

It was a busy Tuesday night and once more customers were poring in for their petrol fix. Everyone is always in a big rush and waiting outside in a queue to many is unbearable. So it was 7:20 PM and the place was nuts, the price was pretty cheap back then. The one thing that many customers began to complain about was the fact that others weren't moving, it was a moral crusade to persuade others to adopt this somewhat radical motion as a way of betterment for society. At this time I was a skeptic, my own thoughts were that if this were to be taken up then it would be a haven for the driver-offers. They would exploit the goodwill of others and simply drive away. It would be a win for the Drive Off Association, an evil organization created for not paying anything for petrol and seeking a minimum 10% discount at the Gap.

The Leader of the Drive Off Association

But most amazingly, people started moving their vehicles forward without any trouble and it worked out well. I was persuaded that it would work for the better but sadly there were some that weren't so quick to adapt to this new development. There were many examples of defiance where the non-movers obliviously go outside their car and clean the windows and the wheels, they would even look at the engine while there were 2 cars behind them. It was bittersweet to witness, hilarious as if it were a great comedy sketch, horrible because real people were waiting an extra 20 minutes.

Mike Huckabee generally inflexible to change

End of Recollection...

I have to say that there have been arguments, discussions and debates but I think that the two sides are ready to battle each other in a kind of lycra-laden gladiator battle to decide the outcome. I have to say that one of most common questions people ask me is "Should I move my car or leave it there?" My view has always been this, moving the vehicle is admirable exercise but should only be done when the driver knows the pump number and the dollar amount for the fuel but if there isn't anyone behind it would be fine to leave the car there. But in saying this, it would always be the driver's own assessment of the context and decision that is vital.

Well folks, my apologies for my absence from this online journal, sadly my attention has been taken by my assignments, but I think that in a week's time all shall be normal again. Many thanks for your attention. Have a good afternoon/goodnight.

Yours Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

Back to work Zombie!!!

Even Robert Redford would feel queasy

Hello All,

Indecent Proposal, the film that will be remembered for many a year because its controversial premise was seen by many to be pushing society's moral boundaries. Well I can now just say that Mr. Redford, who played the "rich pimping dude" in the film has just been outflanked. Now you must be asking yourself "How does anything in our lifetime outdo Robert Redford's perverted maneuvers in Indecent Proposal?"

Let me elaborate...

At the beginning of May it was an exciting period, it was a time of new promotions everywhere. Some really innovative stuff and most importantly some enticing competitions that will really inspire various customers to participate. Generally speaking the purpose of competitions is to appeal to a broad base of society in order to strengthen the loyalty of as many people as possible. In saying this, when I saw the new Starburst lolly bag competition I was really perplexed. I think the name and the image with it says it all.

(The Image of the strange competition)

Now when looking at this title without the accompanying image, one would easily assume that it is pretty much a normal, run-of-the-mill competition. But the thing that would throw off any person was the secondary image which essentially implied that this was a different kind of competition.

The Accompanying image

Yes, I know what you are thinking. As soon as I say this on the Starburst packet I thought to myself "Good God!!! What kind of sickening, deranged competition is this" It seems as though the good folks at the Starburst marketing department thought that there was a section of society they needed to appeal to. I guess the rewards attached to gaining the loyalty of Gerontophiles and people obsessed with personal intimacy with their employers would bring its own kind of benefits. But the motivation is certainly strange, when looking at the packet one would interpret the competition are being one where Starburst would offer your chosen boss $100,000 dollars for an unspecified period of "togetherness" but if your employer refuses you can just do it with the old guy.

Robert be not proud.

Man what a most strange competition, although I have to admit that the Starburst deal was a success. I guess the appeal of the old man appealed to older demographic as he does present himself to be well dressed and groomed and in a successful position as possible-replacement-boss man. If there are any old or young folks out there that wish to about enquire about the old guy or his availability please contact http://www.starburst.com.au/contact.aspx this website.

End of elaboration...

Well I must say that competitions are always great to enter, the very idea that ordinary citizens can win magnificent things with little effort can be very empowering. The latest 50 million dollar lotto draw attracted an amazing response and the starburst "screw the boss" campaign had similar success. Now the question is what is to happen to the old guy? Is he to become a gimp-like character to the hoards of people that may have won the competition? Well, lets all hope it helps him like it helped Robert Redford. Many thanks to all who have participated with this thoughtful academic discussion and to all a good weekend.

Yours Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

Graffiti It Up!!

Cool! you can embed graffiti drawings on blog now..
OK, i worked out how to shrink it. Was originally wanting to use this app to do the comics, but i couldnt work out how to put it into the blog. So in future i could possibly do the comics with this. but i dont think i will. Kinda liking the current format, plus this embed has the plying bars n stuff, would make each comic frame quite big..

But its still cool no? I'll add some more Altug graffiti sometime or other. Or also if any you guys do any fanart graffiti, send either me or Altug a message and we'll maybe post it up on the blog!!

Also guys, feel free to post comments on any of our posts, we both love feedback, and Altug thrives on the acknowledgment that people enjoy his posts. So comment and graffiti it up!!

Keep it real gang!
- Drew

Biddy! An inspirationnal story..

Hello All,

Can I start by apologizing for my absence from this public journal of my own adventures, sadly the positive burden of academic work has taken my full creative attention. Also many thanks to my co-contributor Drew for incapacitating me during my absence, it was entertaining. It must be said that upon my return I have realized something, something grand and wonderful. I think it may be a little overdue but it still has a bit of significance.

If I can recollect...

It was a sunny day, from where I woke I gazed upon an illuminating horizon. I thought to myself that today was an important day to wake. It was 11am. I got out of bed and had breakfast, it was Weetbix or to be non-biased square grain patti that tasted like wheat, watched the usual morning stuff ET followed by crap cooking show with Geoff JANNNNZZZZZZZZe. As I looked upon the Tuna man's somewhat impressive skill and his great rapport with that old Women's Weekly lady it came to me that I had to do something better than watching this crap program, and man it was bad. But this was no ordinary day. I had something scheduled, and it was big. It was at 2pm.

So I left the house and began my journey to the city where this most important appointment was. When I arrived I saw that there were many others there as well, in fact there was 200 people there. We were all seated in this big hall with big dinner tables it was as if it were a function only it didn't have any catering or even any music. There were about twelve of us seated together, we all looked at each other nervously as if this was an episode of survivor and one of us had to be eaten. I have to say that they were all dressed so formally, one of them was even wearing a tuxedo kinda like James Bond in "Casino Royale". So it began...one by one, each of the members of the hall were taken for one of one conversations, I looked around as each was taken. Their faces said it all, it was like they were being taken to some kind of torture centre and I can tell you once they were gone they never returned. As I sat on the dining table, seconds became minutes, minutes became hours, boys became men, Hermit man became Treasurer.

As more and more people started to go, I noticed how big the place I was sitting was. Eventually, I was the only one left it was 2 and a half hours, I felt as if I had won something kinda like being on top of the football ladder, it doesn't mean anything when playing finals but gee its good for 5 minutes. I sat alone for 15 minutes contemplating what was going to happen next. Perhaps this was a kind of candid camera scenario, I thought, so I refrained from picking my nose or playing with my ear wax. Eventually a man walked in, this kind of slick dude with his hair tided back he looked like a hot shot of sorts. He asked "Have come you are still here?" and I replied by saying "Well sir, I am the only one left, there is no more in this entire room, 200 people were once here, now there is only...one" And so he said "Very well, you have been patient old one, you shall receive your just dues" From there I finally left this big hall, I was on to Level 2.

From there I went to this small more compact room which was about a twentieth the size of the hall and so we spoke. Finally I was going one on one. He began by asking "So... why are you here?" From there on, something new began, a new journey of self-discovery.

End of Recollection...

From this tiny room it became a place to which Altug was born. It was from this conversation that in May 3 years and 1 month ago today I began work . It still brings great humor that I was the last of those 200 people to get interviewed, that the company picked its Customer Service award recipient last. But who knows how many of those 200 people were successful, where they have gone, what they have become. I often think to myself that if I was the first, second of even second-last person to leave the hall to the next room would I have been as successful? We will never know, but the funniest part of the interview process that I still remember so vividly was when the interviewer asked about availability he said "So how come you wrote you are not available to Friday and Saturday nights?" and as I was going to respond with "Uh..." He quickly came back saying "I know why! You want to hang with the LAY-DIEZZZZZS, HA! HA!" I held my resolve and politely agreed and when the interview was over, I laughed my brains out. It was one of those things that are completely unexpected from what one would observe as a strict context. Man that one is always funny

So that is my story, a little overdue but here non-the less as if it too was waiting in that big function hall that is my mind. I am sometimes asked, what serves the boundary of my creativity and I say to them "Biddy be yum buddy yo yo be yum buddy yo biddy biddy be yum yo biddy biddy bum buddy yo!" as an answer, pretty straight forward no? Anyway it was great to come back to this wonderful place and share my thoughts for this day. I hope you all enjoyed this story and I bid you all a good day/night except for the Tuna man Geoff Janze and that weird Hermit guy that often appears at parliament you know """Wayne"""

Yours Sincerely,

Altug Kayi

Resurrection

Is this the end?

(Note: i'll appropriate these recent Zelda images when able)

It seems the final battle has come! The Great Drew vs. the lowly clerk. Without the power of the tripost the hero was no match for Ganondrew! With a sweep of my blades Altug was cut down, defeated. Go home to your families people, and mourn this great loss, for without Altug all hope is lost, and soon the world shall crumble, and evil shall reign.

Altug is dead.

Round 1 to Ganon!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

The hero has failed to post, the blog remains under my control..
Whats next Altug? You gonna let the common fool push you around?Seems you'll have to go back to square one of your quest, and seek out the Master Sword and the Hyrule Shield, may i suggest http://www.camyinternational.com/heropack/

***End Evil Rant***