SUPER-Happy-fun-DAY!!

Dear All,

It has been a long, tiresome yet miraculously fun day. Having had 5 hours of sleep, I felt super-confident that Super-Happy-Fun-Day would be a test of my customer service skills, not to mention my ability to clean wind-screens and off-course do some pumping, free pumping.

So, the concept of the day is to build greater rapport with our customers in replicating "Good-Ol'-Fashioned" convenience-fuel station industry practices. It is often good publicity when you drive into the petrol forecourt to find 5 raving maniacs jump out of no-where with squeegees running up to your beloved automobile, pouring water over it and cleaning it like a pit-team at the Grand Prix. So on this magical day of sorts, I decided to be on the forecourt. I was keenly waiting for the first car to come in so that I can pounce and offer these excellent free services!

So I waited...........and I waited. So for 5 minutes good old minutes, I stood around talking "corporate gossip" with my fellow grease monke....oh..I mean co-workers. Things like "Did you hear that this manager got this KPI by this much!???" and "Man, Smith's """strategy""" for their degenerate "create-your-own-flavour" chips was poor" and lots of endlessly, at nonsense nodding.."So Corp' was going this way" -N0d aimlessly- "And So we formulate that we are going to create this program involving -no idea-" -Nod aimlessly- "So we are going in this direction, ETA 6 months this going getting off the floor"-Nod aimlessly- nothing said, Nod aimlessly. Thankfully the first customer came into the forecourt, "yippee!" I thought, my neck was beginning to hurt after all that aimless corporate-style nodding.

The first vehicle was this kind of old bomb-like vehicle with an even older, psuedo-charismatic old man with even older clothes, or so it seemed. I ventured forward and I boldly proclaimed "Sir-today-is-a-special-day-it-is-super-happy-fun-day!!-hooray-now-let-me-pump-your-car" and jumped about in excitement. The old man came out of his vehicle, back slightly hunched, he gave me a look and said "What are you doing, I couldn't understand a single word" I quickly explained the wonderful, super-day and as a great as the service seemed he felt that he would pump his own car...thank you very much. But I did offer to clean his windows, that he couldn't disagree with. I mean, getting your windows clean..who could disagree?

I am glad I asked because in total during the day, there were only two other customers that rejected the whole "clean and pump" service. In the midst of all this quietness, alongside the corporate gossip, my co-workers decided to imitate some my more sillier reactions and welcomes. It was very pleasing to see my behaviour being imitated, I sensed that finally after all these years that I was having a positive affect on the people I was working with though I have been advised by my lawyers that if these behaviours become a catalyst for going insane and getting incarcerated then by all means it was all that aimless nodding that did it. Some of the gestures imitated was the the arms-wide-open-welcome-pose, they would shout to me simultaneously "Welcome back Sir!" To which I would laugh to, off-course. It would be quite amusing simply because they would also do while I am talking to a customer, explaining super-happy-fun-day. Funny stuff. For Example:

Altug: "So Sir, that's why we are pumping you for free"
Co-Workers in the background: "Welcome Sir!!!"

In the first hour it was rather quiet, but the last hour was the complete opposite. Therefore, we had to literally just run about, seeing where we could possibly help customers and make them smile. But I will tell you, the sun's glare was the enemy of the day, while I was pumping cars and cleaning windscreens, the sun was right in-front of me using its scientifically enhanced death star laser powers to blind me. It really stunk simply because there were occasions where I could not look at certain customers..I really wished I had one of those John-Wayne style hats to cover my eyes.

Though, I must say that I liked the fact that I learnt something from the experience. For the first time, I learnt how to wash and clean windscreens and much to my earlier presumptions, I was wrong. Here, apparently, was a process that was more complicated, artistic and service-oriented. It was as if I entered a new world, where the bad window-cleaner was consigned little respect and that it would somehow take many years of practice and tutelage from a kind of mountain-top monk for me to become one with the art.

A possible example

As the Super-Happy-Fun-Day drew to a close on that sunny Wednesday morning, I thought that despite my 5 hours of sleep and the sun using its laser powers to subdue my super-happy-fun-approach I thought that it was a fun experience. Remember, aimless nodding can be a great virtue to learn but what limits the experience is that too much nodding can undo the neck.

I think I managed to pump 50 cars that day, it was an experience. Nonetheless, the question that any customer would ask is "Why wasn't I at Super-Happy-Fun-Day?" That is a good question, was it marketed well?-Nod aimlessly- Was the incentive of a free clean and pump strong enough for the customer?- Nod aimlessly- Was the ever-so-enthusiastic presence of 5 dudes jumping about with squeegees no crazy enough? Well I think that it would be a great idea to have more of these Super-happy-fun-days so that they would become Standard-nodding-and-cleaning/pumping days.

Nods Aimlessly,

Altug Kayi